JadeMidori’s Friends

Mave - Saturday, July 19, 2008 3:18:22 AM

nobody@vox.com(Mave) — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 03:18:46 +0530

i am sooooooooo drunk -__-.. i don't even know how i'm typing straight, am i typig straight?..Gah ! totally give up.. wanna tak ea bath..smell like chinese whisky.ciggeretes and weed and remenets of deoderant...

*grins*..the after party stink that stays on everyone....

i dont even know why i go there..i love dancing i guess..point to be noted..i dance like a slut and i'm proud of it..*nods* i dont like dancing to trance..cant really dance to it..and no matte rhow much i'd love too..u cant really shake ur ass to marlylin manson...so hip hop it is..*sigh*..which..unless and until i'm not totally sloshed or stoned or both..i dont really enjoy..

gah?!! whats the point o fthis...realy mave chan....ur high

i wish i drank enough to cancel out my thoughts...stupid brain...still thinking of things i'd rather not think about

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On the road to become ... me

nobody@vox.com(pyratic) — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 18:38:13 +0530

Off_Road_by_gilad

Hmm .. haven't felt like this in ages

im tired of feeling change day after day ..

truth is you dont change ..

You hibernate into some freak being ..

and then there are times you change back .. changing back is a difficult process
but .. *shrugs*

Somebody said when there is hope .. even with a percentile of ten zeros preceding the decimal point
there's still that illusive 1 after them ten zeros

and that's all it takes ..

0.00000000001

cause that my friend in any language .. translates to a positive value ..
cause it points to the fact that "There is hope" no matter where you are .. how late you are

i realized that sometime this year ..

and i saw its effects recently

eyes that show no reflection ..

no image of anyone

no reaction

dead .. cold

wanting to go black .. blind

wet themselves recently

as if life's saying

"You''re still alive .. i know you are . Don't blow yourself away with the wind ... don't forget the fire u spoke of ..
don't forget the friends .. don't forget the green lawn in the backdrop of a castle with a crystal clear lake .. don't forget the round table u dreamt of .. Don't forget yourself ."

and then rained the dots ..................................................

and it stopped suddenly .. that's not me .. that wasn't me .. that won't be me ....

If i've learnt something ... and if i don't forget what i've learnt .. I'll come to you one day .. with the same smile i had ages back .. shining face .. no dark circles beneath the eyes .. hair properly trimmed .. clean shaved ..

and best of all ..

I wont have to pretend .. to anyone .. or anything

Not even to myself

*smiles*

Words will fail me each and every time .. but i wont fail myself anymore

and it won't even be a dream .. i'll make it real for myself .. and for you

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Freak the Mighty 1998

nobody@vox.com(pyratic) — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 18:18:35 +0530

Mighty

Walking this high road are warriors from an olden time
Curse on this land and the days far behind us
Dragons we’ve slain, rescued many maidens fair
No man ever dared break our stride
Or the brotherhood that binds us

Brothers are we, marching on the roads of time
From this broken land and the days that defined us
All men are free, justice is a sword we hold
Trusting in the knight’s noble vow
In the brotherhood that binds us

When the broken are strong, Freak the mighty
When the beaten are proud, Freak the mighty
When the twisted can stand, Freak the mighty
When the silenced can laugh, Freak the mighty
When the haunted have turned, Freak the mighty
When the tortured are sane, Freak the mighty
When the blinded still stare, Freak the mighty
When the poison remain, Freak the mighty
When the voiceless can sing, Freak the mighty
And the shackled can run, Freak the mighty
And this downtrodden man holds his face to the sun, Freak the mighty

We’ll be walking high above the world
Our legend will say ay ay ay ay ay

Freak the mighty

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The umbrella man.

nobody@vox.com(Makyubex) — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 17:29:37 +0530

And someday, the skies will open up to shower the bounty of the Gods. Rain, riches, love, life, laughter, blood, light, truth, knowledge, power, fear, disease. And the earth will be flooded with the nastiness of the heavens. And the unintelligent dwellers of the netherworld shall rejoice at having been bestowed upon with the blessings of the heavens. Not knowing whether it is the love of hell or the heaven’s fury that they are enduring. I shall stand upon the small hill, looking around at the wet world around, trying to shield myself with the weak umbrella of lies I have sewn for myself.

Blood rayne

Layers upon layers of lies to cover up the truths, I lie in hope that it will be enough.

And a poor peasant comes up to me, speaks ill of me for not having accepted the blessings of the Gods, I glare at him with the eyes of the death lord. The peasant hurries off to join the scramble for collecting the false riches that fall from the sky. I just look on rooted to my spot. My thin umbrella seemed to be at its limit now. Begins to give way to some drops. I panic, I spew some more lies. I try to repair my umbrella I try to protect myself.

All the while wondering, for how much longer can I hold on?

I listen. Someone is singing. An angelic voice in this world of confusion. I try to look far in search of the gleam of purity. I find not far from me, at the foothills of the hill I stood upon, another umbrella open. An umbrella of pure whiteness unlike mine. Blazing with the truths of life. And of her song. I hope to catch a glimpse of the surreal divinity. I struggle downhill, careful not to let go of my umbrella. Once there, I walk around the white umbrella of truth admiring the beauty of the craftsmanship. I look at own. Black, roughly held together with millions of my lies.

And finally I look at her face. Only there was none.

The angelic voice admonished, having never seen the face of truth before, you, the bearer of the umbrella of untruths, shall never see my face. The thunder ripped across the skies above us and the bounty of the Gods kept showering upon the earth, and I could no longer repair my umbrella with my lies.

Later.

The umbrella man

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Hypocrite, the

nobody@vox.com(Makyubex) — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 17:19:22 +0530

Insanity. Lapse of reason. Psychotic behaviour. In dire need of therapy. Tendency to go overboard with things.

Now, when you see these tendencies in someone the first

Light in the darkness

thing that should come to your mind, is to let the person be alone. Followed by some other things. Brand the person a social threat. Show some pity maybe. Spread rumours. Bitch about. Never mind.

Yes, I know. Some things that happen in this world don’t make sense. Most of the things that are said in this world are lies. And almost all of the feelings in this world are unreasonable.

Yet, things keep on happening. People keep saying stuff. And no one ever stops feeling. I don’t know about how open are you folks about owning up. I however don’t have any restrictions in calling myself a hypocrite.

Hypocrite, the.

Later

PS:
Dreams from a daffodil bed,
Sweet smell of the wet earth,
Scorching beauty of a beastly deity,
Blue blood of royalty,
Care of holy Mother,
Fear of salvation, of its pain.

Gather them and maybe then you can heal me. On second thought, forget it.

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Mave - Thursday, July 10, 2008 8:02:22 AM

nobody@vox.com(Mave) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 20:32:26 +0530

if i dont believe..

then two whole years would be just a lie...

its not easy to 'not believe'...

its much more difficult to believe..because you cant really hide the cracks....

it wont be long till it all falls apart...

but what if?

what if it was all true...what if it is the end now...

when i find out..i dont know what i want more..

to hate myself for beliving

or to hate myself for not beliving right at the end...

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Sometimes dreams arent sweet.

nobody@vox.com(Makyubex) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 19:06:50 +0530

When my eyes opened I was already on the highway. It was cloudy, almost about to rain. I was riding the bike, it seemed. Yes, I was riding my bike. Going somewhere, still unaware of where to. But I kept riding. Soon enough I reached at the destination. Didn’t seem like much of a place. It did look oddly familiar though. Those who have lived in the city might have recognized the place as being similar to the parking space in front of Satyanagar market, only cleaner and modern looking.

Any ways, I parked the bike there and started to take off my helmet and sunglasses. However someone seemed to arrive from behind. I did not have a very good feeling about it. I did not take off my helmet just then. I moved ahead away from the parking. I checked out the person in the rear view mirror of a car. The person seemed very familiar. She removed her helmet as I looked back just for a second to confirm if it was whom I thought it was to be. I gasped and looked ahead again. I quickened my pace and soon enough I entered the building, there I removed my helmet and my two pairs of sunglasses. Well, I realized then that it was a dream.. No one wears two pairs of sunglasses on a cloudy day..

Some time later, I don’t know how much time exactly I came out of the building and walked to my bike. This time feeling much more confident since I had discovered it was a dream. She was still standing near her vehicle. But now she was not alone. A number of friends surrounded her. About 4 or 5. She was busy talking to them, I decided to make a swift exit. But just as I approached from behind a car, she raised a hand and waved. I stopped dead in my tracks. I raised a weak hand and reciprocated with a feeble wave of the hand. I was never good with my His and Byes. Someone always said that to me. Couldn’t really remember who.

Suddenly there was an odd sensation. The next moment a person coming from behind walk right though me towards the merry group waving to her. I was slightly taken aback, never the less was relieved to know I wasn't really there for her. Looking at her in the noisy group now, talking and laughing, I was happy. For some reason I felt inwardly content. As I reached my bike, instead of leaving, I lay down on it flat out and looked at the sky. It was cloudy, the backdrop was that of a grand cathedral, I had seen somewhere else. A few drops of rain fell on my face. But the sky was still clear. The laughter and talking grew in the background.

However, I couldn’t help the feeling. The cathedral was just an image, so was the sky. The sky and the cathedral began to fall in pieces revealing dark nothingness beyond. The rain had become stronger. The laughter died out. The world around me faded from view. In a flash, the realization dawned upon me.

Everything was fake.

Later.

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No strings attached.

nobody@vox.com(Makyubex) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 03:54:29 +0530

In the crowd, there was a small boy. He seemed lost. But he wasn't crying. Maybe he wasn't lost. Not yet. But his eyes were searching for something. Maybe he had lost something instead.

No one seemed to notice the boy. He moved out of the midst. He stumbled on the leg of an empty bench. He stood up again, and with some difficulty managed to climb on top. He sat there for some time, looking at the people passing him by. Maybe searching for a familiar face, or a voice.

Several minutes passed. The boy was still on the bench, looking at people. Maybe he was looking for some kindness. Some sort of recognition, but people, as usual were too busy. Everyone just, moved on. Suddenly the boy jumped off the bench and moved towards a noisy cake shop. Perhaps he was hungry. He ran towards the shop now. Just then he turned his head backwards for a second. The next moment he was gone. Disappeared into an empty manhole.

Maybe someone familiar had called out to him. But we will never find that out I guess.

Later.

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Deathwish

nobody@vox.com(Makyubex) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 03:52:45 +0530

The sun was up. It must be a beautiful day outside. He wondered, maybe too aloud. A couple of onlookers were looking towards him. He quickly buried himself into the days newspaper he was holding. ‘ Tomorrow I will be on the front page’ so said to himself. This evoked a few more sniggers from the onlookers. Blushing a dirty shade of purple he crushed the paper and left the place.

Walking at a steady pace he arrived at the ticket counter of the subway station. There was a queue in progress. He joined behind an old woman carrying her weekly supplies. He saw the queue shortening. ‘Ah, my time is approaching’, so he thought. He bought the ticket to the nearest station. ‘Nothing is free these days, not even death’ he cursed.

He took the escalator to the bottom holding the ticket in his left hand and the newspaper in his right. An air of freedom surrounded him. There was still some time before the train and his freedom arrived. He sat down on one of the waiting chairs. Beside him was another happy looking person. He decided to make some conversation. ‘This might be my last chat’, so he thought and once again chuckled inside.

‘Hello sir’, said he, ‘going far?’

The other person answered, ‘Yes, yes of course. Far. Am off to see my family’

To this he replied, ‘Ah, good. Good journey then.’

The other person replied, ‘Hmm, yeah. Can I borrow your newspaper, if you are done with it.’

‘Of course.’

The train was almost at the station, he stood up. It was time. Time to leave this godforsaken world for a better place. He sighed deeply and moved towards the edge of the platform, stopping just half a feet short off the edge. He looked back at his companion, who was still deeply engrossed in the newspaper. He was faced with a moment of indecision now, through gritted teeth he cursed his fears. Finally as he prepared to take the final plunge, and lifted a foot, the train swished past. He was late. Damn. He turned tail and returned to his chair again. By this time his companion was done with the newspaper.

‘You didn’t leave on this one?’

‘No, well..err. I will take the next one I guess.’

‘So will I’ said his companion, the benign smile never leaving his face.

Four minutes passed. The next train was due. As he heard it entering the station from the east, he stood up again. His companion smiled at him once more. He was getting sick of this carefree smile.

‘Oh well, a few seconds more, and it will all be over.’

He moved to the edge once more. This time his determination firm. Suddenly, he felt someone tap his back, he turned to see his companion.

He handed him the newspaper back, ‘Thanks’ he said smiling, and in a smooth motion jumped over the edge.

And the train swiftly went past him. He was late. Again.

Later.

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Mave - Sunday, July 06, 2008 3:09:25 AM

nobody@vox.com(Mave) — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 21:45:20 +0530

you've not seen so much..

you havn't seen my piercings, you havnt seen my new haircut, you havn't seen me high, you havnt seen me smoke, you havnt seen me like this...like i am right now...

we havn't done so much...

even though we've done a lot..even though we are supposed to do alot..we havn't done so much.. we havn't done so many things i was supposed to do with you

its funny how you are the 1st person i want to try and do random shit with...and how i never have

is it too late now?...i don't really know

i don't know if i'm trying to be strong or if i really am, i want to make you proud of me, i dont want to disappoint you, i want you to love me coz i'm me *smiles*.... just like you always have

i know i'll do the things we were supposed to do coz even if the sun rises and you're not there....the moonlight is bound to come again later that night.... and i know i'll be ok

just like when it rains and i'll know i'll be ok

but i'm human and i'm selfish..and i'm scared

coz the rain will stop and the sun will rise again....

and when that happens, i wont know which way to turn

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