JadeMidori - 29 March 2008 01:09:02

I hate bein alone...

and I absolutely LOVE it at the same time...

It's the only time I can really think... and I hate doin that... but I need to...

Does that make any sense?

It doesn't really to me...

You know, Iw as jus lookin at some old pictures... and It felt so weird...

it was like I was lookin at someone else's life... n I guess in a way I am...
I dunno..

I must get everythin back togethr.. but I can't seem to...

Doesn't matter... at least not right now...

I love this...

if it was up tp me... I would be like this every single wakin moment of my existence...

it's better than bein asleep... n Havin the same dream every night...

the one I can never remember...

I hate wakin up after that,,,

Just for once,... I want to go to sleep without really worryin bout it... I don't think it'll happen...

Not after my stupid vow...

I hate it when ppl swear to god... someone who they've never really seen in their lives...

i know that sometimes the most real things are the ones you can't believe... but... I dunno....

I just want all this to make sense someday...

Not today though...

Today. I am happy lost in this maze of disillusionment. Oh my, is that even how it's spelt?

I dunno....

I love it when none of this triviality matters....

"And one day we will die

And our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea...

but for now, we are young

Let us play in the sun

and count all the beautiful things we can see,,,"

There always seem to be so many more of those when I feel this way...

and I love it...

I do NOT care if ppl think it's nasty of me, or horrible or whatever that I end up this way...

thois is the closest to happy memories that I have...

Everythin else is too distant....

It'll never matter... n that's what I love...

I don't know if 37 and a half is what I'll reach/cross... but for now... that's good enough...

Am I good enough yet??

I dunno...

and it doesn't matter....

Never mind this randomness...

I'll see you later, kay?....