The Last Goodbye
I never said goodbye...
This blog contains the person I was a life-time ago. The girl who started writing here was one who had never seen a "real" rock concert in her whole entire life. She had never tasted sushi. She didn't live far away from home. She laughed and cried and spent her evenings cycling on dark empty roads. She'd never been kissed.
She believed in silly pointless dreams and remembered every single thing. She had never smoked a cigarette before. And the only alcohol she had ever really had was beer. She had never been drunk. She wrote letters all night. And burned them up before she could read them. She didn't know "Purple Haze" was a song.
Things mattered to her. She could cry once in a while. Sure, she did some silly things and made some horrible mistakes. But we learned from them. We learned from them all. She never remembered her dreams. She listened to Linkin Park all the time. "Drugs" were an umbrella term for mind-wrecking addictive substances that she knew she may try "once".
That girl did all those things she had never done before while she was here. And somewhere in the many pages, I lost her. Actually, I killed her. Slowly. Bit by bit. It was never my intention, but I did it anyway.
She wouldn't have lasted. I killed her to save us all. I had to.
So much has changed. I have changed. And that's why, I have to go.
To all of you out there, thank you for everything. I still find my way back here once in a while to check on you guys. Silently and quietly.
Sato-kun, you write as beautifully as ever! If morbidity could ever be beautiful, that is.
Toyesh-kun, we should talk more. Really.
Pyratic, come back? It's been too long...
Sophia-chan, I'm still with you, laughing with you and smiling when I see words that I can identify with.
Makubex, you've been gone so long. We should catch up sometime.
My new blog id is "http://theverylastdrag.blogspot.com/". You may not recognize me... though the last few posts in this blog were a certain and definite prophecy that has now been fulfilled. And one that I'm sure you shall all appreciate in hindsight.
I've come to say goodbye. I will always be here, and anytime any of you need to get in touch with me, just leave me a message here. I'll read it. And I won't take too long.
To the blog... thank you for being my diary and keeping my soul together. Thank you for listening, for the many realizations that have dawned as I typed here, for the company late at night... And thank you for helping me grow.
"Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now."
Goodbye.
Comments
i really dont give a fuck...jst stay in contact..
ur actin as if this is the last thing ur ritin n ur leavin us 4 good...
(sm1 kill me)...every1 changes..i have seen u..havent u seen me..
Jade ...ill make 1 thing clear..if u ever wanna grow up...."open ur eyes"
plz dont act like da same girl whom i knew yrs bak..
smokin a cig or doin drugs doesnt make u matured ....
stop being da same old "im so fuckin depressed" person.."ill neva tell ne1,ill hide everythin within me....Fuck......U"
im not askin u to tell us wat u been through or wat appened to u in ur life....im least intrested...
wat im tell u is stop thinkin black...
im tell u this not cause pity or friendship or watever..im tellin u this cause i respect u in some way..
so fuckin think bout this..fuckin grow up..
(ur da 1st person who makes me mad..)
i bet im gonna kill u myself if u dont stop behaving like this...
lit me ask you 1 thing ..how cm i neva read a good post on ur blog...y da fuck is everythin so depressin
n dont tell me i wont understand ....u know me better than that..
n pick up my fuckin call!!.
Calm down! I'm not killing myself or anything!!! This post is sad because it's the last post I am ever going to be writing on this blog!!! That is all.
I don't want to die right now. Life is chilled out. I've found some good company, and everything is settling down. I'm not depressed. I haven't felt so un-depressed in years! And if I was talking about killing myself, why would I leave my new blog id here in the first place??
It isn't about being grown up or mature. I just wanted to say goodbye to the place that held my thoughts for almost three years! And I have changed. I never said anything about growing up.
I've learned to deal Sato-kun. And now, I count only the beautiful things. The sad emo me is the one that's dead, and this is a fitting goodbye.
And I CAN'T answer your call!!! I have submissions tomorrow and am sitting in the lib typing away like a mad woman!!!
"Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now."
I love this quote (who said it?), because I can relate to it a lot. And to what you have written in this post. Perhaps I haven't changed as much as some, perhaps not as much as you have, but I can see the translation in my blog as well (I suppose I would have seen it a lot more if I hadn't quit the first Vox blog, for reasons I still don't quite understand).
The girl that found this site a long time ago now was a different girl than the one that's writing this to you. So yeah, I think I can relate to what you're saying. We change, we learn and adapt, because that what life demands of us. Sometimes it's hard, but in the end we come out stronger on the other side. At least that's what I believe.
I will most certainly check out the new blog.
Take care dear. *hugs* //sofia