I read about them…
And I see their stories
Written with ink so red
It’s the same ink I use
We all do
But does that make me one of them?
I smile… sometimes
And sometimes I even manage a laugh
Does that make me one of the others?
I don’t know where I stand anymore
Both worlds mean so little…
And none of them matter…
Is that why I still stand at this line, not knowin which way to fall?
Or is it because I’m afraid I’ll hate the world I choose
Or miss one world too much if I forsake it?
Time to choose?
Must I?
I don’t know…
But I’m tired of livin in the middle
On this line…
“In a place like that, someone like you has an equal chance- of slipping and fallin… or finding your footing and being able to rise… Its upto you to decide… “
My father told me that before I came here…
I can’t make that decision…
I don’t know if it really is mine to make….
I also can’t choose which way to go
Coz I don’t really know which way is “forward” and which is the other
Everythin’s all the same
An endless cycle of… I dunno
Doesn’t matter…
I’m wandering off topic…
It’s just that…
I see where this leads
And I don’t want to be there
I don’t want to write those very words one day
Knowin there’s someone halfway across the world who wishes for me to stop
Even though we’ve never met
I don’t want someone to feel that... sorry for me…
So do I float or do I sink?
Anything’s better than going under over and over
And knowing that every time I make it to the surface…
I’ll jus’ go under again…
There is one decision I must take soon though…
Who to appear to be…
Coz…
I’m runnin out of time to paint my mask…
]]>“What would happen if I went too deep?
Would I ever wake from this eternal sleep?
Would you miss me, would you cry?
Would you ever wonder why?”
The floor feels strangely cold.
As cold as snow.
Too far…
An accident…
But no one will ever believe that…
A frown.
Shakes head. Doesn’t really matter.
Won’t at all once she’s asleep.
And this time, she doesn’t even need to worry bout wakin up.
Miss her?
Not really.
Besides, they’ll move on.
Forget.
Cry perhaps.
But forget nonetheless…
Except on cold nights when she’d come back to walk in the snow outside their homes…
Then they’d remember…
And shed a few more tears.
…Perhaps.
Or smile at the distant memory of the girl they once knew…
Or thought they knew… till the morning she killed herself.
“A mistake” she whispers.
But there’s no one listening.
Jus like always….
And jus like always…
No one would believe her
“It was a mistake…” she writes
She never meant to go that deep...
]]>Fallen and shattered
Broken once again
At my feet it lays tattered
Screamin in silent pain
It doesn't seem to mend
No matter how hard I try
I guess its coz the glue
is the tears I can't seem to cry
Its been breaking for so long
It's better gone away...
Maybe I should have used a sad song
and hoped that it stayed
Or maybe a ribbon of pain
That tied it all together
Or maybe a walk in the rain
And a promise of forever
Should I piece it back together?
All those tiny little shards
Even though I know it'll break again
Should I put back my heart?
Perhaps a dash of darkness
and a dying breath of hope
Or maybe its jus too late
and it'll stay broken forever more...
I stand here beside you
and I bleed.
Slowly I die, slowly I fade,
and I forget to breathe.
You laugh and talk and love and smile,
while I try not to fall,
And wait for you to look my way
Instead of waitin for me to call...
With every drop that leaves my soul,
It gets harder to breathe.
I grow so tired, I grow so cold,
And all the time I bleed.
You finally look my way,
And ask if I'm alright.
I smile and tell you I'm okay,
And break further inside
She says I'll be fine,
And I remind myself to breathe
You walk away waving goodbye
While I stay behind to bleed...
]]>.........
I dont want it.
Any of it.
This world and everythin in it.
Maybe it means I lose, but I dont really care.
Keep your world, I dont need it.
I dont want tomorrow.
I dont want yesterday.
Today's long enough by itself.
I dont want anything to do with this world.
Im so very selfish... Coz I know Im leavin soon. So very soon... yet Im lettin you stay so close...
I dont want anything...
I jus want to sleep and never wake up...
Or maybe I want to wake up from this dream thats jus gone on for too long...
Either way Im tired of dreamin...
Nothin can save me...
And I dont want saving...
Jus lemme fall...
To the very bottom
Til the very end...
Let me fall...
And I'll fade away before I hit the ground....