I look into your eyes
waiting for a sign...
for a trace, a shred of memory
of what you'd left behind

Instead I see just darkness
Staring out at us all
A smile that reveals just as much
as an empty dilapidated wall

Where did your laugh go?
That never failed to make me smile
Where did your strength go?
That kept us going all this while

I turn away, tired of waiting
and I want to walk away
I don't know how to tell you
you haunt me night and day

But a step is all I can take
Before you quietly say my name
and suddenly I'm back to the day we met
and everything is the same

I tried so hard to catch you
But all I could do was watch you fall
Now I turn around again
How can I walk away when my name you call?

It was too pretty a day to be sad
So she tied a red ribbon in her hair

and she laughed

Even though the walls kept shrinking
and the roof kept crumbling

She laughed

Even as the cold rain fell
and as the darkness grew

She laughed

Even as the world began to fade
and the snow began to fall

And then
When the last one was gone
She turned
put the chairs on the tables
Locked the doors
and sat down to cry

But she could not remember how to...

She looked up at the streetlight.

It seemed to shine into her soul.

Giggling softly, she tried pushing the beam away, but it didn't move.

She glared at it for a while and then slowly stepped out of its range.

Twirling, she laughed, and a lone star twinkled in the distant night sky.

She took a few steps forward, still smiling, and then froze, trying to remember why she was here.

She stood still for a long time.

At the center of the crossing.

The traffic lights fascinated her, especially when they changed colors.

Colors.

She liked colors.

Didn't she?...

She blinked, and then started walking again.

It wasn't exactly a straight line, but it wasn't a drunken walk either.

She remembered she was supposed to look out for policemen, but she didn't remember why.

Was she supposed to go to them?

Hide from them?

Ask them something?

Run as fast as she could?

Confused, she lit a cigarette.

"Smoking. Always smoking." she scolded herself like she was supposed to.

No.

Wait.

Wasn't that someone else?

Another drag, and a silly smile lit her face.

And she twirled again, dark hair clashing with falling rain.

Her laughter echoed softly in empty alleys

and she went around in little circles till she couldn't breathe anymore.

Tired knees hit the wet grass as she collapsed...

and a sob escaped her throat.

"Why do you cry, fair child?" he asked

As he knelt beside the girl

"I only want my memory

Its lost somewhere in this world"

They searched far and wide, but the memory was truly lost.

And then one day, it was already time for frost

So she shooed him and his sparrows to summer

and he cursed at the maiden as she bid him farewell...

But she hates him not

neither does she love

She only needs her memories to build

her stairway to the heavens above...

Till she finds those run-away memories, she needs to make new ones

So...

She laughs at the streetlights

coz they remind her of the sun

and how it will eventually destroy her.

And that could be called a memory, couldn't it?

You lie
I have no right to the truth
I lie
and you have no right to the truth
You yell
and I yell back
I yell
and you yell back
and then we laugh
You cry
and I tell you its going to be ok
I cry
and you tell me everything will be fine

You lie
and I stab you with words
I lie
and you don't know
You yell
and I yell back
I yell
and then shut down
You don't cry
...
I don't cry
...

He's right...
But... does that mean I am wrong?
I don't know...
I could change... but is it worth it?
Do I want to?
Yes...
But do I want this to be the reason?
No...

What do I do?

Take away my pride and my pain... and what's left behind?
Nothing...
I was wrong...
I didn't keep me with me...
I became whiskey, vodka, weed...
There's nothing left of me anymore...
The pieces are ground so finely, all they are anymore is stardust...
Fine, shining, and utterly useless... even for a reflection...
All they do is provide good entertainment...

And you can only watch fragmented shards for this long...

What right do I have to destroy something so precious?...
So important?
What right do I have to take away something so loved?
So cherished?

None Jade Midori. None at all.

Just walk away.

And it'll rain again, but this time I'll walk through it alone... and I'll laugh every time I remember... and then, I'll sit down for a cup of coffee. Maybe this time... just maybe, I'll even cry. And when I'm done, I'll stand up and pay what I owe, and I'll walk out.

Hopefully, it'll still be raining...

*laughs*
This is just insane...
Completely insane...
And I can't believe I'v brought this whole thing on myself...
Where do I go now?

I know what to do...
I know what to say...
but where do I go?

It hurts so much...
*pause...*

*laughs*

And I'm the one who asked for pain no?
I'm the one who wanted to know if I was alive...
Do I know yet?

I don't know...
but I guess you have to be alive if you're dying...
and I guess you're alive if you can bleed...

So I'll stand here... and I'll bleed...

What goes around does come around, ne?
I don't know if I can do this anymore... except I don't think I really have a choice...
I'll survive...
I will NOT be weak...
...
...
...

Why do you think I'm strong?
I'm not...
I can't be...
I don't want to feel...
I was better off before...
I'll go back to it... if I can...
I don't know anymore...
I'm just so very tired...
Friends?
I have enough of those...
They can't make the rain stop...
and they can't stop night from falling...
Its okay...
I don't mind...
I love the rain...
And the night is the only time I can breathe...
So...
I guess I will stand...
Things will get better...
if not today... then tomorrow...
and if not then...
well... someday they will...
I'll live for that day... whenever it may come...
*smiles*
I'm okay...
I deserve this...
For all the lies I've ever said...
for all the tears I've caused...
Don't feel sorry for me...
I don't want pity...
I just want... all this to stop...
And I'll manage it on my own...
I don't need your help... and even if I do...
I sure don't want it...
So go away...
live your life...
I don't mind... and I don't blame you...
after all...
What goes around comes around...

Fallen and shattered
Broken once again
At my feet it lays tattered
Screamin in silent pain
It doesn't seem to mend
No matter how hard I try
I guess its coz the glue
is the tears I can't seem to cry
Its been breaking for so long
It's better gone away...
Maybe I should have used a sad song
and hoped that it stayed
Or maybe a ribbon of pain
That tied it all together
Or maybe a walk in the rain
And a promise of forever
Should I piece it back together?
All those tiny little shards
Even though I know it'll break again
Should I put back my heart?
Perhaps a dash of darkness
and a dying breath of hope
Or maybe its jus too late
and it'll stay broken forever more...

Crystal Tears

Innocent blood, spilled again

Pure white snow forever stained

Crystal tears shatter as they fall

Drop by drop from lives so small

Silent haunting endless screams

Penetrating childish dreams

Silent crystal tears fall

Drop by drop from us all

A whispered word might be the last

Another memory in a forgotten past

No one to follow, no hand to hold

No one around in the quiet cold

Frozen memories are all that remain

As once again innocence is slain

Terrified eyes looking for someone they’ve lost

Till they too are just wandering memories in the frost…