7 posts tagged “depressed”

Everyone leaves.

Another one joins the ranks...

Will things be different this time?

I'd like to believe so...

I dunno anymore.

Maybe... Maybe not...

Too early to tell.

http://www.hindustantimes.com/Frames.htm?pageid=http://www.htnext.in/news/5922_2158166,008700010014.htm


Law students more depressed than others

IANS
Sydney, September 19, 2008

Law students and lawyers suffer twice or even thrice as much psychological distress as medical students and others, according to a representative study conducted in Australia.

The study, conducted by the University of Sydney's Brain and Mind Research Institute (BMRI), included over 2,400 lawyers and 741 law students from 13 law schools.

Law students were found to have much higher rates of depression than medical students or other general students at the university. Significantly, law students were also found to be less knowledgeable about depression, but had greater concerns about alcohol and other substance misuse and greater reluctance to seek professional care.

They were more likely to expect that they would be discriminated against in the work place as a result of being recognised as a person with depression, a Sciencealert report said.

The study extends previous work done by the national depression initiative in 2007, which had demonstrated that lawyers reported higher levels of depression and substance misuse than other professionals.

In his presentation, Ian Hickie of BMRI emphasised that the willingness of the law schools, the Law Society and bar associations to support the study and go on to consider ways to greatly improve the situation was welcome and urgently needed.

"May all Living beings on Earth live in Peace and Harmony"

Thats what this little wooden pendant-like thing around my neck says. My friend made her little brother send it for me from the other end of this country. Its Buddhist (She's not sure of the script) and really very pretty...

Two of my other friends got me the first book in the series of the "Buddha". Its of the Graphic Novel lot and is an amazing read, to the point that I'm sure even our History Professor would appreciate it! I must read the rest of the series!

I wish it were possible to convince people that all life is equally valuable... but our selfishness is not restricted merely to our selves. It goes on to portray what we feel about our species as a whole.

Pathetic.
Thats all we are.

I guess... I'm jus waiting for someone to prove me wrong... Its kind of odd because, in these holidays, I realized that the people I truly respected were the so-called 'selfish' ones. But then again, a word is only as good as its meaning... which is solely as good as its interpretation...

Maybe,... all this time,... I've just been using the wrong dictionary.

Peace and Harmony?..
*smiles sadly*
Yeah...
Someday...

Well, I thought I actually may get some studying done today, but ak jus called. She's free now. *giggles* Ahem, sorry. Anyway, she's free now and poor thing's wanderin about alone in town. Hmmm, I think Naxalism will have to wait for yet another day.

So, I'm off to town. Got perm, so have till about 10 pm. I dunno... Half of me wants this lazy Sunday, but I know if I spend too much time in the room, I'll jus go from melancholy-content to downright depressed. I''ll just go take a quick shower, throw on some clothes and hit town. Today, I want to do something different. Something fun.

Oh well, it is Ak n I. I'm sure we'll come up with something brilliant.

Till I return, I bid thee
Farewell...

P.S. Oh boy! I am gonna die tonight am I not? *laughs* In case I do, Mave you know what to do. Start with somehow getting my room cleared of all substances please? Lol. Lotsa luv to all.

What goes around does come around, ne?
I don't know if I can do this anymore... except I don't think I really have a choice...
I'll survive...
I will NOT be weak...
...
...
...

Why do you think I'm strong?
I'm not...
I can't be...
I don't want to feel...
I was better off before...
I'll go back to it... if I can...
I don't know anymore...
I'm just so very tired...
Friends?
I have enough of those...
They can't make the rain stop...
and they can't stop night from falling...
Its okay...
I don't mind...
I love the rain...
And the night is the only time I can breathe...
So...
I guess I will stand...
Things will get better...
if not today... then tomorrow...
and if not then...
well... someday they will...
I'll live for that day... whenever it may come...
*smiles*
I'm okay...
I deserve this...
For all the lies I've ever said...
for all the tears I've caused...
Don't feel sorry for me...
I don't want pity...
I just want... all this to stop...
And I'll manage it on my own...
I don't need your help... and even if I do...
I sure don't want it...
So go away...
live your life...
I don't mind... and I don't blame you...
after all...
What goes around comes around...

I'm so so tired.
So very tired.
Tell me, whats the point of it all?...

Its been almost four years... I should have died that nite... I shouldn't have survived...
Sometimes I think that the reason everything is jus so... fucked up... is coz I lived... I cant help but think I was meant to die that day...

How different would things be?...
If I had taken my life that nite...?
And how different would life be if I had never existed...?
Thats all I want to know...
I know I've caused pain here... I jus need to know the extent of the pain...

Atonement...
Thats what this is supposed to be...
But all I do is cause more pain...
More n more...
Who does it help?
My existence?...

I dont need it anymore...
I dont want it...

STOP TRYIN TO SAVE ME...
Let me stay on this tower of ice...
Its cold but I need to be here to survive...
Its the only thing that can contain me... till it's time...

The snow wont stop fallin...
But I dont mind..
It seems so fresh, so pure...
so... untainted...

I should have left...
I shouldnt hav got this "second chance"
I dont want it...
But now, Im cursed to stay...
I'll stay n hold ur hand through the dark...
If you promise not to miss me...
When I leave...
I have no reason to stay...
But Im cursed...
Cursed to exist till the last flake falls...
Till its almost dawn...
And then when the sun's rising...
and the cold's melting away...
I'll look into the sun....
And I'll fade away...
along wid the stars...
and along with the snow..
till all thats left behind with you..
is the sun rising in the sky...
a puddle of cold water slowly warming on the ground
where my tower once stood tall in the snow...
and the memory of a dream...
where all was dark... but I cud stay...
Im sorry but its time... I will fade away...

Note- This was written by me in my "wonderful" college in Nov 2006... *sigh*... Dont ask...

    They ask me why I don't smile anymore. They wanna know what happened to my "enthusiasm", "cheerful spirit" and "bright and friendly nature"... Why I sit all alone in a corner, Why I dont take part in the debates, discussions and Dramas...

What am I supposed to say?

    I can't smile anymore coz it takes too much effort, coz it takes energy I just don't have anymore. As for why I'm always so "quiet" and "depressed", why I've "changed" so much... I don't really know how to explain it. When I got here I was carrying forward with the momentum of the previous few years of my life. You could compare me to a cell, I need recharging and I havn't been able to do that for a long time. I could still smile since I amn't totally out of charge yet... But every pretend smile & laugh, every pretend carefree word & sentence takes so much out of me, that I'm sure that if I keep it up... I will die out...

 
    I've been this way all my life. But before, I always managed to hide, to pretend I could... feel. I managed to smile when times needed smiling, to laugh when circumstance demanded it. I could pretend... because I had to. If I didnt, there would be questions. Unasked and unanswerable. And I didnt wanna see those questions in people's eyes. But here, how does it matter? Why should I pretend anymore? What for?

    If you think I care one bit about the whispers behind my back, the pointing fingers, the snickering, the laughing or even the full out discussions... you're wrong. Dead wrong. I've never really cared about what people think.. maybe what they feel... but never what they think. Before, I was surrounded by people who were foolish enough to get too close to me,... no, to be honest, I was foolish to let them... & then every action of mine had the power to hurt them, so I had to pretend... Here, things are, in a way, the way they should be. At the end of the day, the only person left hurting is me...

    I don't need their approval. Don't need their advice or protection. Not their love,nor their guidance. I dont need their empty words nor their apparent sympathy, dont even need real sympathy for that matter. I dont need them Dont need anybody...

    What have I ever got out of pretending? More pain. They keep tellin me to shut up, to stop laughing, to not be so loud. I've been stripped off my shell over and over... Then why do they ask "Why?"? Why do they ask for explanations? Is it only to taunt me? To show me that they have the power to decide who... what I will be? That I am nothin more than a lifeless puppet on strings?... Or is it truly because they do not understand... they may or may not have been the reason I am what I am... but they were the ones who sent me down this way...

    As I scribble away, I can't supress the twisted smile I know is playing on my lips. I glance up and see them look away. I would tell them to stare to their heart's content. Doesnt really matter to me, but wait, thats not why I smile... Its coz, here, on this page, are the words that they would all love to read. The answers to all the furtively whispered questions... and they'll never know...

AND they'll never control me. They can sit & wonder and debate & discuss all they like. Try and figure out why I walk alone. Why I dont smile anymore... but they'll never know...

I look at my watch. Its almost three. Finally time to leave. Too bad I have to return tomorrow. But before I leave, I just... Never mind... maybe some other time...
 

You know, sometimes, jus sometimes, when I say I'm fine... I jus want someone to look me in the eye and say "tell me the truth"... So that I know, even if people do not know what is wrong with me, atleast they know something is...

    They leave, waving a distant goodbye. I wave back. Tomorrow is another day... only it will go the exact same way. It doesnt matter. Nothin really does. Sometimes I cant help but wonder... What does it feel like?... Not bein alone... As I look back up at the empty room, another twisted smile... Guess I'll never really know...