5 posts tagged “empty”

I look into your eyes
waiting for a sign...
for a trace, a shred of memory
of what you'd left behind

Instead I see just darkness
Staring out at us all
A smile that reveals just as much
as an empty dilapidated wall

Where did your laugh go?
That never failed to make me smile
Where did your strength go?
That kept us going all this while

I turn away, tired of waiting
and I want to walk away
I don't know how to tell you
you haunt me night and day

But a step is all I can take
Before you quietly say my name
and suddenly I'm back to the day we met
and everything is the same

I tried so hard to catch you
But all I could do was watch you fall
Now I turn around again
How can I walk away when my name you call?

She looked up at the streetlight.

It seemed to shine into her soul.

Giggling softly, she tried pushing the beam away, but it didn't move.

She glared at it for a while and then slowly stepped out of its range.

Twirling, she laughed, and a lone star twinkled in the distant night sky.

She took a few steps forward, still smiling, and then froze, trying to remember why she was here.

She stood still for a long time.

At the center of the crossing.

The traffic lights fascinated her, especially when they changed colors.

Colors.

She liked colors.

Didn't she?...

She blinked, and then started walking again.

It wasn't exactly a straight line, but it wasn't a drunken walk either.

She remembered she was supposed to look out for policemen, but she didn't remember why.

Was she supposed to go to them?

Hide from them?

Ask them something?

Run as fast as she could?

Confused, she lit a cigarette.

"Smoking. Always smoking." she scolded herself like she was supposed to.

No.

Wait.

Wasn't that someone else?

Another drag, and a silly smile lit her face.

And she twirled again, dark hair clashing with falling rain.

Her laughter echoed softly in empty alleys

and she went around in little circles till she couldn't breathe anymore.

Tired knees hit the wet grass as she collapsed...

and a sob escaped her throat.

"Why do you cry, fair child?" he asked

As he knelt beside the girl

"I only want my memory

Its lost somewhere in this world"

They searched far and wide, but the memory was truly lost.

And then one day, it was already time for frost

So she shooed him and his sparrows to summer

and he cursed at the maiden as she bid him farewell...

But she hates him not

neither does she love

She only needs her memories to build

her stairway to the heavens above...

Till she finds those run-away memories, she needs to make new ones

So...

She laughs at the streetlights

coz they remind her of the sun

and how it will eventually destroy her.

And that could be called a memory, couldn't it?

It really is quite funny. Swore I wouldn't go buy vegetables these hols. Had to do that already. Swore I wouldn't meet a single law-schoolite, especially not a first year. Already met lin.

So how do I like this place? Well, I've been out the whole day. Mum, Dad and I left at around 10 in the mornin. Went to a whole lotta banks, K's school and then the mall. I HATE banks almost as much as I hate buying vegetables!!!, I'm freaked out bout K coz I can't stop thinkin about the line of ppl in Law School from his school. err... They're all really nice, but still... -_-... oooh, Hi Robert-san. err... No, I never said you were strange. heh. *nervous laugh*

Anyhow, yes, the mall! *desperately tryin to change the subject* I did buy a lot of food and clothes. *nods* I bought many tops, a shirt, a skirt and this really nice green dress. I love it. Mother did not want me to buy it, but then again, neither did she want me to buy the skirt. I guess that's what the problem is with being a don't-give-a-fuck kid. I wore whatever they got me for so long, they just can't see the fact that I AM almost 19, and once in a while, I like wearing something that isn't from their century. *shakes head* Never mind. I guess I'll always be 7 in their eyes...

Lets see. What else did I buy? Well, Pringles must be mentioned! The rest of it is just general stuff I guess. We got back at bout 1900. Oooh, I finally did have a hot dog today. *sighs dreamily* Finally!

Anyhow, the rest of the day was ok... There was a little yelling in the middle. I ran out though. Met Lin and then as I was supposed to buy vegetables and yoghurt, set off to find 'Mother Dairy'. I got lost on my way though... But to be honest, It was kinda nice. I like being lost. No... I guess... I like looking for the way. It isn't very essential that I find it, but I do love looking for it...

Am having the weird sort of sweet yoghurt that I got. Hmm... It's kinda strange, but it is yoghurt, so ^_^
Anyhow, I need a cigarette. Am goin crazy livin here. I'd say I can't wait for college to begin, but i'm not done recharging yet...

Cya later...

Where do I begin?...
Iv been sittin here starin at the blank screen for so long, but I guess this isnt goin to write itself... I might as well begin...

So many promises. Of things returnin to normal. Of people stayin the same. Of things never changin.

Stupid really.
I hate promises.
I didnt always I guess...
There must have been a time when I believed in them...
Not anymore.

Sounds cynical?
Maybe
But I really dont care.

Cause people lie.
And they destroy.
And they ruin lives.
But most importantly, they break promises...
Over and over
I dont understand...
Why give ur word, if you're goin to go back on it anyway?

Nothins okay...
And Im tired of hearin that one day it will be...
Coz that days not today
And Im tired of waiting...

Its no big deal...
I can see the moon in the distance...
If I leav soon enough I can still make it...
I dont want to look back...
Dont hold me back with your words...
Let me go...
I'll find my own way...
I dont know where im goin...
All I know is I need to get away...

I amnt goin to anyplace
I am goin away from here
I have to...
Maybe I'm headin to hell
Maybe there's nothin but pain waitin for me...
It doesnt matter
Anything is better than this nothingness
Anythin at all...
Hurt me, I beg you
Let me feel the pain...
Dont try n take the pain away
I hav nothin else with me...
Dont try to make me feel better...
Pain doesnt hurt when its all you'ver ever felt
And it feels better than nothingness...
It feels...
And I need to feel...