3 posts tagged “heal”

Someday... I want to tell someone...

I hate you for what I've become. I hate the fact that I can never trust anyone ever again. Not even myself... I trusted you. How naive could I be? But I was only a child... What about you??? How could you DO something like that??? I hate you. I hate you because I can never let anyone in...

I can never tell. You swore me to silence... and all I want to do is forget. But I can't... and every time anyone gets too close... its you who makes sure I remain empty... and that I remain afraid...

Well, I thought I actually may get some studying done today, but ak jus called. She's free now. *giggles* Ahem, sorry. Anyway, she's free now and poor thing's wanderin about alone in town. Hmmm, I think Naxalism will have to wait for yet another day.

So, I'm off to town. Got perm, so have till about 10 pm. I dunno... Half of me wants this lazy Sunday, but I know if I spend too much time in the room, I'll jus go from melancholy-content to downright depressed. I''ll just go take a quick shower, throw on some clothes and hit town. Today, I want to do something different. Something fun.

Oh well, it is Ak n I. I'm sure we'll come up with something brilliant.

Till I return, I bid thee
Farewell...

P.S. Oh boy! I am gonna die tonight am I not? *laughs* In case I do, Mave you know what to do. Start with somehow getting my room cleared of all substances please? Lol. Lotsa luv to all.

I was wonderin why I really did cut... and well, these are all the reasons I came up with... will keep updating...

Coz I need to feel. Pain is a feeling, and I need it to tell me I'm still alive

Coz it feels like I've been havin a dream... and I jus' can't wake from it...

Coz it bothers me to see my outer skin look so whole and unbroken while I feel jus' so torn...

To bring myself back, coz I go so far away that I'm afraid that someday, I won't be able to return...

To remind myself.

Coz I can't cry

Coz its a habit

Coz I wonder how much I can really take

Coz I loathe the person I'm turnin into... or maybe hav already become...

Coz I'm afraid of losing control

Coz I prefer pain to nothingness

Coz nothin matters

To watch me heal,... even if it IS jus' on the outside...

Coz I want to remember

Coz I need to forget...

Coz I need to hurt, before rage consumes me... I'm afraid if not me, I'll jus' hurt someone else...