3 posts tagged “hollow”
Someday... I want to tell someone...
I hate you for what I've become. I hate the fact that I can never trust anyone ever again. Not even myself... I trusted you. How naive could I be? But I was only a child... What about you??? How could you DO something like that??? I hate you. I hate you because I can never let anyone in...
I can never tell. You swore me to silence... and all I want to do is forget. But I can't... and every time anyone gets too close... its you who makes sure I remain empty... and that I remain afraid...
Note- A letter to a friend. Hey, you wanted me to put this up here right? Even though you're probably never gonna read it...
Let’s talk tonight.
I know we should have done it long ago… while you were still around… but we were always so caught up in everything else…
And now you’ve gone so far away…
So, I guess I’ll just have to do with talking to the wall, hoping that somehow you can hear the words I always meant to say…
I never lied to you.
I always said, that this couldn’t go on forever, and that sooner or later, I meant to leave… and you agreed saying if I didn’t leave you surely would…
If both of us were so sure that this was all a mistake, then why do I feel so lost right now?
I keep wondering how you’re doing.
You seem fine…
And so I pretend I am too…
But every time you see right through me, I feel… horrible… as if I really am invisible, floating through this foreign world like some sort of ghost.
And I feel alone…
You told me that you were finally content… and that everything finally seemed like it was under control…
I don’t wanna mess that up.
I can’t… but I know that if I stick around for a while, I will…
So you’ll never see the scars, and you’ll never really hear what I‘m trying to say…
I guess it’s not really us talking tonight…
It’s just me…
And no one’s listening…
Good night darling.
For what its worth, thank you…
2330
Am I going home? Or leavin it?...
Three months… Has it already been that long? Has it only been that long?...
I’m sittin at the airport. So glad I have the laptop. Spendin time alone with me is not something I want to do at this time…
A senior of mine got stabbed last nite… at an intersection less than 5 minutes away from college. He passed away before they got him to the hospital… Five times… How can anyone stab someone five times? How can you live with yourself after something like that?? How can you pull that blade out and…
I don’t understand… It’s not fair. It’s just not right. No one deserves something like this…
And the worst part is- I feel so horrid… even though I barely knew him. I can’t even begin to imagine what his close friends must be goin through… Who’s goin to tell his mother? And how?...
Yesterday was his last day here… His last day.
The cricket teams are here. Oh great. They’ll be on my flight. I don’t need this crowd right now. I really don’t. Well, maybe they’ll be on the earlier one. God, you really can’t go anywhere without runnin into someone from lawschool. Jus’ met one of my class mates. Oh well, I guess it’s only normal. Hols start today... His friends are all canceling flights… and the ones that left are all coming back. The entire college looked so deserted and empty today… and there was no wind at all.. It was so deathly still…
I don’t wanna go back. Not because of any reason but the fact that it’ll fuck my mind up. Too many worlds. Control over none.
01 Oct 2007
0233
Am in my room… *smiles* as in, the one where my parents stay… Jus took a cold long bath. Tried to wash it all away… Didn’t really work… I’m jus’… blank. It comes in waves, sweeping over me and leavin me gaspin for breath in its wake…
May his soul rest in peace...
