3 posts tagged “home”

So its almost time to go home again. Home. Where is home? For the last 4 odd years, it's been the house at the end of the road. The one with the mango tree in the front yard. Opposite where the buses stop for the school... and where the children play football in the evening. Its been the house I felt relieved seeing when my fourth round of running was up... and the one I hated returning to every once in a while. It was the place where I could stand in the garden and hear my dog bark... and the place from where the arguing voices somehow reached everywhere.

Wow, in this one para, I've listed so many things I love. I'm goin to miss that place. I'm going to miss the rain falling and the water filling up in our front yard to the point where we had to wade through it all. I'm going to miss sitting outside during storms and watch lightning flash across the sky. I'm going to miss the two weird doors, where one closed on its own and the other just refused to.

I'll miss the chair my dog used to sit on and look out from dolefully when we'd be leaving to anyplace... and where she'd be sitting and barking happily as we drove back. I'll miss Estel's grave... I'll miss the flowers and the smell of real earth early in the morning.

I'm going to miss waking up early in the morning coz its my turn to walk sparky, feeling miserable about it, and just stepping outside and realizing I'd give up all my sleep to just watch the sky like that a few more times...

Yeah, I'm going to miss that place. Was it home? I don't know... but its not where I'll be going... and I'm going to miss it... a lot...

Am I going home? Or leavin it?...

Three months… Has it already been that long? Has it only been that long?...

I’m sittin at the airport. So glad I have the laptop. Spendin time alone with me is not something I want to do at this time…

A senior of mine got stabbed last nite… at an intersection less than 5 minutes away from college. He passed away before they got him to the hospital… Five times… How can anyone stab someone five times? How can you live with yourself after something like that?? How can you pull that blade out and…

I don’t understand… It’s not fair. It’s just not right. No one deserves something like this…

And the worst part is- I feel so horrid… even though I barely knew him. I can’t even begin to imagine what his close friends must be goin through… Who’s goin to tell his mother? And how?...

Yesterday was his last day here… His last day.

The cricket teams are here. Oh great. They’ll be on my flight. I don’t need this crowd right now. I really don’t. Well, maybe they’ll be on the earlier one. God, you really can’t go anywhere without runnin into someone from lawschool. Jus’ met one of my class mates. Oh well, I guess it’s only normal. Hols start today...  His friends are all canceling flights… and the ones that left are all coming back. The entire college looked so deserted and empty today… and there was no wind at all.. It was so deathly still…

I don’t wanna go back. Not because of any reason but the fact that it’ll fuck my mind up. Too many worlds. Control over none.

01 Oct 2007

0233

Am in my room… *smiles* as in, the one where my parents stay… Jus took a cold long bath. Tried to wash it all away… Didn’t really work… I’m jus’… blank. It comes in waves, sweeping over me and leavin me gaspin for breath in its wake…

May his soul rest in peace...

   Jus' returned from a squadron party... Well... I left for the party exactly an hour ago, n I'm back already, so you can guess how much 'fun' it was! -_-. Never been too fond of those parties... Well, unless we're talkin bout the sqdn ones we used to have way back, when I was in the 5th grade or somethin... Those were Awesome!!! All us kids would convince our dads to let us board the aircrafts and we'd pretend we were all out on some wacked-out mission to save the world... Yep, fun times...

   Sadly, now my dad's doin the year with CG so the parties aren't that often... and there really aren't any people my age. Grown-up artifice is not really my thing. I'd much rather sit here in front of the p.c typin away, or in my room listenin to music... Darn it, I need to get a faster connection so that I can actually play some games online. *sighs deeply*

   Anyway, I was barely at the party 15 mins!!! Matt, Aj n Anne were all there to eat dinner in the dining hall. I ate the ice-cream and left (Gah, mum n dad made me say 'good bye' to those people whose farewell party it really was. -_-.). Walked out of the booked room and straight into the hall. Sat at Matt n Aj's table and said "feed me". Heh, jus earlier today they were goin on bout how sick and deathly (*ahem ahem* -_-) I've been lookin, so Matt puts the bowl of soup in front of me and says "You do look like you need it". Then Matt jus kept piling food on my plate! I was made to eat at fork point!! T_T. I'm so full -_-.

   They're goin to meet some actor dude whose in town and stayin at Aj's buildin and were askin if I would like to go. I said I couldnt but I think they intended to drag me away anyway (O_O). BUT, my dad was outside that room and pointed at his watch and at the exit, so I think they believed me when I said I had to go... I ran all the way home... Hopefully tonight I'll be tired enough to get some sleep...

   I've been sleepin at 3 n 4 again for the last two days... After almost 2 weeks of sleepin off before it was even one!!! So I'm guessin it was the runnin that got me tired enough to sleep... Today wasn't exactly a very happy day. I was in one of those moods again. -_-. I really need to do somethin bout them... Anyway, I really really hope I don't stay up all nite again... I know I need time for myself and all... but I don't think its very good for me... Darn it! My stupid system doesnt work... Don't even have music to put me to sleep. *sigh*

   Anyway, mom n dad will probably be home soon... K's back from d camp. He seems tired. Well, he has a right to be!!! 3 days of sittin in that bus!!! Poor kid... My hands are trembling again. I wish they would stop doin that -_-. Anyway, I better go. I'm already gonna get lectured for reachin d club half an hour after dad called. *sigh* My back hurts... I really do whine a lot don't I? -_-

   22 days for my NLS results... *crosses fingers* I really really hope I get in...