11 posts tagged “hurt”

I'm confused again.
And suddenly so sad, but in a pleasant way... like you are after you've had a brilliant day. You know its over... Or more like... well, I can't explain. Thus the confusion...

I don't want to hurt anyone.
Especially not someone I care about.
But I do that so often... and so... I dunno what to do...

"Go with the flow"
that's what you said
Well, I hurt you too... and I'm still learning to live with that.

No matter what
This time is going to be different.
It has to be...

One last angst filled post.
For now.

This goes out to you.
You know who you are.

I'm gone.

I'm done waiting for you to wake up and let me in...

Its too late.
*smiles*

I'll miss you.
Really.

But...

"Sometimes shattered
Never open
Nothing matters
When you're broken
That was me whenever I was with you
Always ending
Always over
Back and forth, up and down like a rollercoaster
I am breaking
That habit
Today"

I don't care how shady it is that I'm using these lyrics to prove my point...
The important thing is I am proving it...

Thank you for everything...
but please do not try and look for me again...
coz

"I'm already gone
I'm already gone
Oh, I'm already gone, gone, gone, gone
Already gone
I'm gone"

Long gone darling...

And this... This is my last goodbye...

Thank you...
All of you...

Forgive me.

Why do we fight?
Why do we dream?
Why do we hope?
Why do we continue?
Why do we look to the heavens when we don't believe in God?
Why do we smoke?
Why do we drink?
Why do we love?
Why do we chase?
Why do we desire?
Why do we die?
Why don't we know when to stop?
Why do we regret?
Why do we think?
Why do we do all those things that we know will haunt us?
Why do things bother us?
Why do we question?
Why do we live?
Why do we die?
Why do we dream?
Why do we wake?...

He's right...
But... does that mean I am wrong?
I don't know...
I could change... but is it worth it?
Do I want to?
Yes...
But do I want this to be the reason?
No...

What do I do?

Take away my pride and my pain... and what's left behind?
Nothing...
I was wrong...
I didn't keep me with me...
I became whiskey, vodka, weed...
There's nothing left of me anymore...
The pieces are ground so finely, all they are anymore is stardust...
Fine, shining, and utterly useless... even for a reflection...
All they do is provide good entertainment...

And you can only watch fragmented shards for this long...

Yo!
High... but not high enough...
Hurt, but no blood to show... jus fading scars...
Pain, but no tears to cry... jus mesed up Kohl from rubbing at my eyes too long...
Love, but only for a friend...
Normalcy, but only through a fucking hangover...
Smiles, but only with the help of alcohol
Wings, but only coz of a decision
Beauty... but it always fades
Friendship... but only for half broken promises
Death... but never mine...
Responsibility, too heavy to put down even for a moment
Lies, but only to keep everything going
Sadness, but for someone who was never real... and now, never will be
Dreams, finally... but always ones I can't remember...

Be strong?

Gentle?

Proud?

Of what?

Explain to me…

I always thought that there would be something we would all look forward to… and some memory that we’d always keep with us forever…

And every time things got too hard to bear, I could just shut my eyes and think of that one day… and everything would be fine… but…

I can’t remember…

I can’t remember any part of that…
Who I was… What it meant… Nothing…

It’s hurtful… to think that there was a time when everythin mattered so much… and when a single word could brighten up the day… and make even the darkest skies seem beautiful…

There must have been a day like that… right?...

Then… Why can’t I remember?

Why is it so far away?

I remember… when it rained… and I’d sit outside waiting… for something to make it all better… but nothing ever did…

No matter how long I waited…

I know there was a time when all that mattered was everyone close to me being happy…

When did I settle for safe?

When did I decide that was more important?

Why can’t I remember?

I want to…

But I’m so afraid… of remembering… because I’ve tried so hard to forget…

I must have my reasons right?

We all do…

Always…

But still, some days… when it rains… I find myself waiting…

And I still don’t know for what…

I was wonderin why I really did cut... and well, these are all the reasons I came up with... will keep updating...

Coz I need to feel. Pain is a feeling, and I need it to tell me I'm still alive

Coz it feels like I've been havin a dream... and I jus' can't wake from it...

Coz it bothers me to see my outer skin look so whole and unbroken while I feel jus' so torn...

To bring myself back, coz I go so far away that I'm afraid that someday, I won't be able to return...

To remind myself.

Coz I can't cry

Coz its a habit

Coz I wonder how much I can really take

Coz I loathe the person I'm turnin into... or maybe hav already become...

Coz I'm afraid of losing control

Coz I prefer pain to nothingness

Coz nothin matters

To watch me heal,... even if it IS jus' on the outside...

Coz I want to remember

Coz I need to forget...

Coz I need to hurt, before rage consumes me... I'm afraid if not me, I'll jus' hurt someone else...