13 posts tagged “law”

So, I'm on and as of now tuned into channel "Make yourself miserable". What am I doing in this place? I don't like law. Well, it's okay I suppose... But only in the "It will do... for now" kinda way. Not the "I wanna do this for the rest of my life" way. I want nothing to do with law.

Angry Sarcastic Bitch: Why don't you just quit then?
Annoying responsible loser : Because I fought to get in here. Fought with Dad and every one sitting in B_____ and D____ wanting me to go stay/study with them! I fought to get to Law School!!! How can I tell my parents I don't wanna stay?! And besides, it's not like I have an alternate plan or anything. It's not like I can go up to them and say "Oh, guys. Sorry. Just realized it's not law that I'm interested in, but XXX (Astronomy, Biology, whatever). Why? Coz there is no XXX.

But the truth is, I didn't come here to do law. From the start, It was just about getting away. Well, I'm away from home now... but stupid blissfully ignorant me is just waking up to the fact that the whole world is more or less the same... At least in this dimension. Or society. Whatever you want to call it. The fact remains that I can't just walk up to my parents and tell 'em I'm sick of living like... well, who? People my parents would call respectable? Normal?

What am I doing? I'm studying something I don't care bout, in order to get a job I don't want so that I can make money I won't need to buy things I'm happier without!

I do have an alternate plan actually> Go to Goa/Gokarna/quiet place, open a small cafe like place, earn just enough money to keep a roof over my head and manage basic food and clothing stuff. I want to wake up each morning to the sound of the ocean and the birds... I want to work in a small quiet place where random people will come and go, where my life may not make any significant changes to the world... but it will be mine. Completely. I want to own myself. And I want to go to sleep tired and content. (Stoned would be an added benefit ^_*) Then why don't I just go ahead and go?

Because... because I don't know how to do that to my parents. Not yet. Because even though somewhere deep down I'm sure that it would be the better option, I don't know how to get that across. There's also the fact that it's contingent on other people, but I could work around that. I know I could... It matters, but it's a little bump in the ground compared to the volcano of an issue my parents will be...

So, I stay here. Stuck. reading things that mildly interest me - if I'm lucky, getting wasted ever so often, doing things I shouldn't be doing just because I shouldn't be doing them and so on.

It's like the TV is on, but the only signal I'm catching is this society's... and it's so powerful that every time I try to tune in to any other channel, the societal signal keeps interfering with the new signal... leaving me with nothing but static. I know I'll have to try further frequencies. I know it's definitely out there somewhere.. but a little part of me tells me not to try... coz it's afraid that this is the only signal out there. And if I go too far - out of range -  I'll be left with nothing but silence... and I won't be able to come back...

So I choose the known evil. Static. Always just at the edge, but never leaving coz I'm afraid I won't know the way back. And I may need to come back because I'm not sure if there's anything out there. And even if there is I don't know if I'll find it...

Turned on, but can't tune in till she drops out... Can't drop out till she finds where to drop out to. And can't find out where to drop out to till she tunes in.

The cycle continues.

And I stay stuck in the rut.

What now Mr. Leary? What now?

What do we want?
We want this feeling to go away.
We want to feel nothing,
We like to feel like we belong.
But only here.

Because everywhere else
As soon as I belong
it's time to disappear...

Maybe it is wrong
But I can't help it
It is all I know to do
It's not like I plan it
but I don't have a choice
Where do I go?
What can I say?

I want to quit law school.
I want a job. Any job.
I don't wanna collect more debts that I'm becoming more and more certain I won't be able to repay.
At all.
But what can I do?
Where can I go?

Great.

I flunked land-law. That means I'm definitely failing history. Consti was always a sure thing.
Gah!!!

Three repeats once again!

*sigh*

These hols have not been nearly as long as they should have been. I don't wanna go back. Its not that I hate Law school. I just don't want to spend more time there. Then again, I don't have any other place to go. No wait. That has to be rephrased. I don't have any other place I want to go. Not anyplace define-able anyhow.

Dad left for some place today morning. He'll be back only after I've left, so I said goodbye. He said I had been "good" these hols. Whatever that means. But yeah, I do kinda get it. I have been 'good' these hols.

Spent lot of time at home. Gave the dog a bath. Filled water. Spent an entire day at the mall with my parents. There were really very few loud arguments. Ran errands (without much complaining). Didn't go out to meet 'friends' too often.  Played cards almost every night with the family. Pretended to study.... You get the picture...

But what bugs me is, for some strange reason, I did all of it with a vague sense of finality. Like I was sure I wouldn't have this chance again. I dunno why... It doesn't exactly scare me or upset me. Just feels like its a fact half of me always knew and the other half quietly accepted. It's like I was just building memories. You know, 'perfect' happy moments mom n dad can always look back on. Hell, I think I'm also doing it for me. And I guess that means that a decision has been made again...
and once more, I am the last to know...

So here I am.
"Back"

Every holiday, this place feels a little lesser like home...
and as every term begins, so does law school...

I don't know where to even try and belong anymore...
It has stopped being a matter of choosing, and become one of hoping that at least one of the two will work out...

http://www.hindustantimes.com/Frames.htm?pageid=http://www.htnext.in/news/5922_2158166,008700010014.htm


Law students more depressed than others

IANS
Sydney, September 19, 2008

Law students and lawyers suffer twice or even thrice as much psychological distress as medical students and others, according to a representative study conducted in Australia.

The study, conducted by the University of Sydney's Brain and Mind Research Institute (BMRI), included over 2,400 lawyers and 741 law students from 13 law schools.

Law students were found to have much higher rates of depression than medical students or other general students at the university. Significantly, law students were also found to be less knowledgeable about depression, but had greater concerns about alcohol and other substance misuse and greater reluctance to seek professional care.

They were more likely to expect that they would be discriminated against in the work place as a result of being recognised as a person with depression, a Sciencealert report said.

The study extends previous work done by the national depression initiative in 2007, which had demonstrated that lawyers reported higher levels of depression and substance misuse than other professionals.

In his presentation, Ian Hickie of BMRI emphasised that the willingness of the law schools, the Law Society and bar associations to support the study and go on to consider ways to greatly improve the situation was welcome and urgently needed.

Yay! My 'social life' LIVES again!!! Muhahahahaha!! ^^

Today, Lin, An.K and I had gone shopping, and for once in my life I wasn't just the bag-holder, clothes-picking helper; I actually bought  a lot of stuff myself! Now THAT is news! Lol. Other than that, today was fun. We had momos for lunch (finally) along with Thupka. Both veg since An.K's veg, but it was too hot to eat meat anyway. Also, I finally smoked today. Oh my GOD, I can't even describe what a relief it was! Ooooh, separate post about that comin up! ^_^

Lin's cousin brother picked us up and dropped us. She met my parents and now I'm hoping they'll let me go out tmrw. Cafe Morisson. It'll be soooooooooo much fun!!! C.R will be dropping us back at nite. (He was supposed to show up today as well, but didn't.) E-san will be there too! ^_^

Anyhow, after spendin a lil bit of time here, Lin and I went to 'Spice mall' where we met E-san and V.V. Had lotsa coffee, after which E-san and I dropped Lin home. It's not that bad meetin Law-schoolites outside college. I honestly don't see why everyone makes so big a deal about it! Ah well, I guess its annoying if you have plans with non-law schoolites and you keep runnin into em. I dunno...

Anyhow, I shall now return to ODing on chocolates! ^_^

I actually get tired of people who can't ever find anything nice to say about anyone. They try so hard to make sure they aren't taken in by popular belief that they end up caring more than they should bout what people think.
It's very paradoxical, not to mention confusing.
And its annoying.

Don't judge me when you don't know me.
I hate sittin and listening as they go on and on about every single person, as if running through a list, and give reasons why they're pathetic people... I just think that kinda talkin makes you really pathetic. It IS annoying. Its always annoyed me...

I'm just glad that I can still get annoyed like this. Lol. I thought I was immune to it! Its nice knowing I'm not completely... not yet anyway, so YAY! ^_^

Apart from that bit of ranting, I had my viva today. apparently a large bit of it was cogged. The part S.G was supposed to do. My friends want me to go talk to sir or something... but I just can't. *sigh* It just doesn't seem like the right thing to do... I dunno. Brilliant. Now, it's definitely gonna be all 4 courses!

Gah!!!

Which reminds me, must go back to studyin Consti. Bah. Why can't these ppl write shorter articles. God, I havn't read a single case yet and I don't even know how many are coming this time. Luckily I'd read a bit of Tomkins before, so that's done. I don't feel like reading Barendt... Oh my, I sound like such a nerd!!!
-_-

So...
Am waitin for my contracts viva. Really bored. I was supposed to read last night, but slept off sharing my bed with my laptop, a pile of clothes, my bag and well, you get the point. My back hurts. :(

How do I feel today?
Better actually. These days are just too pretty to be depressed... It was rainin yesterday... For quite a while too... It was so beautiful. If it was up to me, It would never stop raining. Then everything would be washed away.

"Here comes the rain
Washing away all the pain"

*smiles*

I think too much for my own good...

If I ever do forget, and somehow make my way back here, I just want myself to know...

"I never chose it... and if something happened to actually make me wish for such a thing... then it may have been painful enough, but I still want to remember... so don't stop looking just because you're afraid of the pain. You're stronger than that."

*laughs*

Like it wasn't bad enough talkin to myself. I'm now talking to myself in other dimensions of space and time!!!

Ah well...
May as well get back to escrow...

Cya later...

Research papers.

Fuck them!

Don’t get me wrong. I love research.

The whole concept of reading up on things other people have written on a subject and then compiling them into a paper so that some other poor soul can read it along with the other 56.876 billion papers written on the same subject to compile yet another research paper fascinates me.

I guess the part that bothers me is deadlines.

Hmm..

Rephrase.

Deadlines. FUCK them!

Which reminds me (as most things sadly seem to do now days), my papers are due in 4 days!!!

4 days?!!!
How am I supposed to come up with anything decent in 4 days???

I guess I could have started earlier when most sane people did so that they wouldn’t have to pull so many all-nighters cursing deadlines… but seriously, lets be practical here.

Who starts working weeks before deadlines?

That defeats the whole purpose of deadlines, which is to cause indescribable pain and mental trauma and force you to work and come up with something brilliant under all the pressure. Or shoot yourself.

However, since this is not the United States, and guns are slightly harder to come across, the latter option isn’t exactly available.

Which, unfortunately explains why most people start researching earlier.