2 posts tagged “past”
What goes around does come around, ne?
I don't know if I can do this anymore... except I don't think I really have a choice...
I'll survive...
I will NOT be weak...
...
...
...
Why do you think I'm strong?
I'm not...
I can't be...
I don't want to feel...
I was better off before...
I'll go back to it... if I can...
I don't know anymore...
I'm just so very tired...
Friends?
I have enough of those...
They can't make the rain stop...
and they can't stop night from falling...
Its okay...
I don't mind...
I love the rain...
And the night is the only time I can breathe...
So...
I guess I will stand...
Things will get better...
if not today... then tomorrow...
and if not then...
well... someday they will...
I'll live for that day... whenever it may come...
*smiles*
I'm okay...
I deserve this...
For all the lies I've ever said...
for all the tears I've caused...
Don't feel sorry for me...
I don't want pity...
I just want... all this to stop...
And I'll manage it on my own...
I don't need your help... and even if I do...
I sure don't want it...
So go away...
live your life...
I don't mind... and I don't blame you...
after all...
What goes around comes around...
You know, it's only now that I realize what a sheltered life I'd really lived.
Horrors are horrors... I'm talkin bout daily life here...
The Navy is an amazing place to grow up in. For the first 17 years of my life, the words "caste", "society", "religious discrimination", etc meant NOTHING to me. They were just words I read in the newspaper. And I laughed at the stupidity of the small number of people- or so I thought- that were still obsessed with these immaterial things...
But then... I had my one year at college in K-land. Even then... I believed that it was a freak thing, and the only real barrier was one of communication. I refused to believe that our country could still be a place where it mattered what caste or religion you were born in, and the concept of pure blood still existed...
But now...
All my doubts have been crushed into tiny little pieces... as has much of my belief in ours being a truly secular country. Everyone says it doesn't really matter where you're from, but it's such a part of everyday conversation and thought... it scares me... but more than that, it angers me. I hate the way it has crept into every day of my life. I hate knowing that no matter what I say or do, the first thing so many around me will want to know is where I am from. What the F*CK does that have to do with anything???
(Sorry bout the censoring, my coll will block access to my own site if I do not do so. -_-)
I loathe the question "Where are you from?", and I'm glad I have no one answer to give. I'm relieved that there is no one state or caste I must 'belong' to. "Belong to". I belong to no one. To nothing. Specially not some dumb ancient system just because I was born in one house and not another. If I want to belong somewhere, I am gonna be the one deciding where, not my 'lineage', not my blood. Me.
At home, religion was never a big thing. Yeah, once in a while, mum would light some incense and then me and my brother would fight over who would get to twirl it around the few god pictures in the house. But that was pretty much it. We never had forced temple visits, or family prayers. Some may say that it brings about better 'family harmony'. I think playin UNO accomplishes that way more easily... and it's more fun too!
And then there's all the shocked gasping people who ask me how I dare say I don't believe in God. Firstly, it's none of their business. Secondly, it's not like I don't believe in God, I just don't believe in their Gods. Any of theirs. Religion is nothing but another reason to be divided. Oh sure, it unites people, brings different people together, promotes harmony, blah blah. But it also gets people killed... and frankly, I'd rather everyone live in relative isolation than be murdered just because they fast in the name of different supernatural beings.
