4 posts tagged “scared”

*click*
*light*
*drag*

heh...

At least the day dosn't begin that way...
The first of the day is usually in the second break...
even on the days I decide I won't smoke today... well, someone always wants to go..
and you go along...
company's sake...

But then, you're there so may as well, ne?
After all, there's always tmrw, right?
Except...
every tmrw is an exact repetition of today...

You know...
it wasn't supposed to be this way
*laughs*
But I guess that's what you always say, no matter how things turn out...

Is it a good thing?
That I'm really here?
I dunno...
I really don't...

It doesn't really matter, does it?,,,
Does it?,..

I dunno... too tired to think now...
Too tired...
It's been a while...
I love this...
Love everything shuttin down one by one...
Yeah, so my lungs are goin to die, but well, my liver's keepin it company...
lol, and as my 'friends' say, so is my life...
Doesn't matter...

Why though?
Most of the times, I'm ok with it...
In fact, I'm glad its this way...
I wanted this, no?
A life where I was in total control...
except...
am I?

Yeah, I'm free of people...
and the only place these thoughts find existence (other than in my head) is here...
And no one I know in real life reads themmm...
Jus online 'friends'... too far away to anythin bout it...
Exactly the way I wanted it...

So much more...
I could've had it all...
but then again in a way I guess I do...
Projects? Don't really matter, right?
Marks?
Well, not bankin too much on gettin by five yeas anyhow...
Why do I care now then?
Coz... well... No matter what...
I'll fight as long as I have to.
As long as there's an option..
It may seem like I'm losing...
but right now... stayin alive takes top priority...
and well... whatever helps me make sure I do... it's ok...
Long run?
Honestly speakin, am too worked up bout short run to care...

Someday, I'll leave it all behind...
And be everything I wanted to be...
but for now...
*click*
*light*
*drag*
I'm goin to concentrate on stayin alive...

I shouldn't even be writin right now... especially not directly...

Am so high...

It's jus so sad, that all we seem to be livin on are pictures of each other... whether real or the ones in our head...

I jus miss reality you know?

I guess all of us try so hard to escape it, that when we finally do, we're jus too glad to really care bout what we've given up...

But I do...

I'd rather live in total fear of the real tmrw... than safe in a fake today...

I miss everythin that kept me going... before it turne out to be just these substitutions...

But that's all any of us do, no?

Replace reality with somethin fake... because artificialty is so much more perfect than reality...

There's nothin I've ever wanted more... but I guess you always feel like that bout even the substitutions...

I guess, in the end, all you can do is stop wondering what you've traded in for where you are... because this is where you are... and this is what you now are...

You can never go back... so there's no real use of regret...

Front porches... I just miss swinging... the moment of weightlessness, when nothin matters... not the ground nor the fact that you'll always only be there... stuck to the pkace you've carved out for yourself...

You can miss the ppl you got used to... but thats all you can do... you can't wish em back... not the moments... and not the people...

Who we were, will always mean so much... but it can never defeat what we are now... all we can do is get used to it... and stop complaining...

"Swing life away"

I suggest you hear this song... Thanks for the song link Mave-chan...

Thats pretty miuch all the junk I have to spew this time...

Cya later...

*smiles*

Rage.
Sometimes I want to let her take over.
I want her to lash out.
I want her to grab that wheel and drive into the water, through the little fence-like wall, watching as he screams for me to stop.
But we won't stop.
We'll just laugh.
We'll laugh as his screams get louder.
We'll laugh as we hit the water.
We'll laugh as we sink to the very bottom, water filling up in that space, and then in his lungs.
We'll laugh while I watch him die.

But then, she'd have won...
So, I don't move.
I jus' sit and stare at nothing at all, saying little but knowing its killing her.
Thats enough for me.
It's revenge enough... for now.
It doesn't matter that in the process I'm hurting myself as well.
It's worth it... for now...

I understand now.

And it doesn't scare me as much as I thought it would.

And that is all that frightens me now...