2 posts tagged “smoking”
*click*
*light*
*drag*
heh...
At least the day dosn't begin that way...
The first of the day is usually in the second break...
even on the days I decide I won't smoke today... well, someone always wants to go..
and you go along...
company's sake...
But then, you're there so may as well, ne?
After all, there's always tmrw, right?
Except...
every tmrw is an exact repetition of today...
You know...
it wasn't supposed to be this way
*laughs*
But I guess that's what you always say, no matter how things turn out...
Is it a good thing?
That I'm really here?
I dunno...
I really don't...
It doesn't really matter, does it?,,,
Does it?,..
I dunno... too tired to think now...
Too tired...
It's been a while...
I love this...
Love everything shuttin down one by one...
Yeah, so my lungs are goin to die, but well, my liver's keepin it company...
lol, and as my 'friends' say, so is my life...
Doesn't matter...
Why though?
Most of the times, I'm ok with it...
In fact, I'm glad its this way...
I wanted this, no?
A life where I was in total control...
except...
am I?
Yeah, I'm free of people...
and the only place these thoughts find existence (other than in my head) is here...
And no one I know in real life reads themmm...
Jus online 'friends'... too far away to anythin bout it...
Exactly the way I wanted it...
So much more...
I could've had it all...
but then again in a way I guess I do...
Projects? Don't really matter, right?
Marks?
Well, not bankin too much on gettin by five yeas anyhow...
Why do I care now then?
Coz... well... No matter what...
I'll fight as long as I have to.
As long as there's an option..
It may seem like I'm losing...
but right now... stayin alive takes top priority...
and well... whatever helps me make sure I do... it's ok...
Long run?
Honestly speakin, am too worked up bout short run to care...
Someday, I'll leave it all behind...
And be everything I wanted to be...
but for now...
*click*
*light*
*drag*
I'm goin to concentrate on stayin alive...
Smoking is bad for you.
Right after I make this statement, people always do one of the following things
-Stare at me pointedly
-Launch into a lecture that makes me regret making that simple factual sentence.
-Swallow hard and try not to launch into a lecture, but do so anyway.
-Shake their heads in a puzzled sort of way that reminds me of my dog on holiday mornings when I’m awake before lunch.
The first three I ignore, the last I giggle at.
I’ve tried to explain the whole situation too many times.
Yes, I know its bad for me.
No, I don’t want to be coughing up blood at 25.
And maybe it will kill me.
But look at it this way.
What if, at 24 years and 364 days, I get run over by a bus, fall off the roof, get struck by lightning, drown or get abducted by aliens and used as a case study for a research paper on Homo sapiens? All of these, being equally likely, except maybe the last one. (But then again, you never know…)
How, do you think, that would make me feel? Pointless question, if I use the assumption that dead people don’t feel, but nonetheless… How do you think I would feel?
I shall tell you. I would feel clean, healthy, and my lungs would not be screaming in agony… but most importantly, I would feel dead! And once you feel that, well, let’s just say none of the other things seem to matter much anymore.
Of course, I am not denying that it is equally likely that I do live to see my 25th b’day. But if I do, I’ll think of something then…
Till then, do me a favour and do the puzzled-head-shake thing again… I miss my dog.
