JadeMidori’s blog

JadeMidori - 06 June 2008 20:16:44

nobody@vox.com(JadeMidori) — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 20:12:36 +0530

Lin, Amy Winehouse, two quarts of whiskey, lot of coke, chips and I. It's gonna be a fun night. Or a really whiny night. *laughs* But fun nevertheless.

Cya when I'm gone.

Been a while since I wrote here like that...

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JadeMidori - 31 May 2008 01:26:42

nobody@vox.com(JadeMidori) — Sat, 31 May 2008 01:21:07 +0530

He's mad at me again. We keep running in the same predictable little circles, never getting anywhere. It scares me. The whole situation. So much so, that every bone in my body is screaming at me to turn and run. As fast as possible and as far as possible. yet for some strange twisted inconceivable reason, I just don't. As I was walkin behind him today, wanting to explain, to try and make sense of this whole mess, I kept trying to say something, but the words just wouldn't come. They got twisted and lost inside. No, in fact, they simply disappeared. Burned up so completely that I didn't even have any ashes to show for my thoughts.

And I would have followed. But then what? I don't know what the point of all this is. I really really honestly don't understand. We're just causing each other and ourselves so much pain. But I can't leave. I'm tired of not understanding. I just want someone to explain to me what in the world is going on.

Sometimes, I want to pick up a rock and hit him on the head, really hard! Or just shake him till his teeth rattle. I want him to tell me what it is thats bothering him. I hate him being mad at me. And he's always mad at me. I thought I'd just avoid him coz I thought that it was the right thing to do. I thought he'd be better off if I was just gone... but weirdly enough, its like being bound. He has to tell me I have to leave, and only then will I be able to. I don't want to, but if it makes everything ok, I will...

I just don't know what to do. I don't know what'll make everything better... I don't know if anything ever will...

But last night, I was sitting there, with those shards of glass spread out before me. It was almost 5 in the morning, and then he messaged saying he had jus woken up for some strange reason... and I was so scared. I don't understand this.

I'm tired of being glass. And I'm tired of shattering...

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JadeMidori - 03 May 2008 02:11:38

nobody@vox.com(JadeMidori) — Sat, 03 May 2008 02:09:33 +0530

I don’t love you when I’m sober

And I don’t care when I’m high

You can say what you want

I’m not goin to sit here and cry

I promise not to follow

You can go your own way

But don’t expect me to be here waiting

I don’t intend to stay

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On being sober...

nobody@vox.com(JadeMidori) — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 17:34:41 +0530

Sober.

It’s such a funny word. Where in the world has it come from?

So-ber. Ber? Now that’s a weirder word. Weird that its jus a letter short of something, which if you consume too much of, you won’t be well... sober.

I like to believe it originated from the words “so boring”, which is what I find life to sometimes be. Oh yes, life’s interesting most of the times, but every once in a while, you find yourself in your room… sooo-bored…

You have the music you love but have heard so many times you know when the guy stops to breathe right before screaming his lungs out, and you know jus how many times he says “ohhhh” in a row. Of course, the scariest being when you know what song is going to play next and its jus downright creepy when you know how many seconds will pass before it actually does!

Then you have the book. The one which you know cover to cover and people have been threatening to ship you off to Moscow if you don’t stop quoting it; particularly along with the page number. For some reason, this creeps out most people. I don’t understand why… Have they never been this bored?

Maybe it’s because we have project submissions in less than a week and everyone’s working really hard. As my friends have often pointed out, I could be doing that. I should be doing that. And I would be, were it not for the slight issue… I’m bored. Which brings us back to the word (Why does this sound like a famous line out of a famous musical?... Oh wait, never mind) - Sober.

So what do you do now you’re so-bored? Sorry… Couldn’t resist that. Anyway, at times like this, you’d do anything for any inebriating substance to flow through your system, especially your brain. But all you find when you reach out is the same music and the same book and as much as you hope and pray otherwise, the words remain the same.

Then you sigh, doodle, stare at the wall, play another game on your comp, hoping it’ll end some other way, but of course… it doesn’t. You pick up your phone and see you’re just as broke as you are “ber” and as much as you plead with it, it doesn’t ring. At times like this, there are only two things you can do. 1. Begin typing out the paper which is due in a week’s time… or 2. Go on a futile hunt for brain cell killing substances.

Here, I doodle, play another game of solitaire, sigh at my screen, stare at the wall and curse being sober.

The vicious cycle never ends.

Anyway, I’m off… The futile hunt awaits…

Note- This is all written under the influence of things I advise you strongly not to write under the influence of.

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