22 posts tagged “tears”

I look into your eyes
waiting for a sign...
for a trace, a shred of memory
of what you'd left behind

Instead I see just darkness
Staring out at us all
A smile that reveals just as much
as an empty dilapidated wall

Where did your laugh go?
That never failed to make me smile
Where did your strength go?
That kept us going all this while

I turn away, tired of waiting
and I want to walk away
I don't know how to tell you
you haunt me night and day

But a step is all I can take
Before you quietly say my name
and suddenly I'm back to the day we met
and everything is the same

I tried so hard to catch you
But all I could do was watch you fall
Now I turn around again
How can I walk away when my name you call?

It was too pretty a day to be sad
So she tied a red ribbon in her hair

and she laughed

Even though the walls kept shrinking
and the roof kept crumbling

She laughed

Even as the cold rain fell
and as the darkness grew

She laughed

Even as the world began to fade
and the snow began to fall

And then
When the last one was gone
She turned
put the chairs on the tables
Locked the doors
and sat down to cry

But she could not remember how to...

She looked up at the streetlight.

It seemed to shine into her soul.

Giggling softly, she tried pushing the beam away, but it didn't move.

She glared at it for a while and then slowly stepped out of its range.

Twirling, she laughed, and a lone star twinkled in the distant night sky.

She took a few steps forward, still smiling, and then froze, trying to remember why she was here.

She stood still for a long time.

At the center of the crossing.

The traffic lights fascinated her, especially when they changed colors.

Colors.

She liked colors.

Didn't she?...

She blinked, and then started walking again.

It wasn't exactly a straight line, but it wasn't a drunken walk either.

She remembered she was supposed to look out for policemen, but she didn't remember why.

Was she supposed to go to them?

Hide from them?

Ask them something?

Run as fast as she could?

Confused, she lit a cigarette.

"Smoking. Always smoking." she scolded herself like she was supposed to.

No.

Wait.

Wasn't that someone else?

Another drag, and a silly smile lit her face.

And she twirled again, dark hair clashing with falling rain.

Her laughter echoed softly in empty alleys

and she went around in little circles till she couldn't breathe anymore.

Tired knees hit the wet grass as she collapsed...

and a sob escaped her throat.

"Why do you cry, fair child?" he asked

As he knelt beside the girl

"I only want my memory

Its lost somewhere in this world"

They searched far and wide, but the memory was truly lost.

And then one day, it was already time for frost

So she shooed him and his sparrows to summer

and he cursed at the maiden as she bid him farewell...

But she hates him not

neither does she love

She only needs her memories to build

her stairway to the heavens above...

Till she finds those run-away memories, she needs to make new ones

So...

She laughs at the streetlights

coz they remind her of the sun

and how it will eventually destroy her.

And that could be called a memory, couldn't it?

Leave me alone...

Were those not your last words to me dear Sayuri?

They must have been.

I still remember that night you know...

It was really cold, and I could tell you had been crying.

I could have asked.

I should have said something.

Asked how you were doing, whether you needed anything, if everything was okay, anything!

Instead, I tilted my new hat at you and nodded.

And you smiled back.

Just a tiny little smile, but it made me really happy, you know?

That you cared enough to try and smile even though you were sad...

But I know you would have done the same for anyone who smiled at you...

Still, as you walked away in that light rain

with the dark shadows growing behind you as you walked further into the night in your black dress...

I thought that there was still some chance we could fix the mess we had made.

Thought things were finally getting better...

I didn't say a word.

And the next morning they told me you were dead.

Wait a minute Sayuri darling.

Let me pour myself a drink. Its been too long.

And where did I keep that damned matchbox?!

Sorry, where was I?

I remember the day we spent at the beach

It seems like such a long long time ago

Akane was there too, along with him.

That was nice.

We laughed a lot, All of us.

Sang silly songs all the way there and back.

And you spoke to me as if everything was fine.

As if nothing had been broken.

Like you could not see the past anymore.

And I don't know if that hurt or helped.

But I do know that I liked the way your dark hair flew about your pale face

and I liked the black dress you wore...

like the one you were wearing the last time I saw you...

Another drink Sayuri.

Just hold on.

No, I'm not drinking too much.

Just another shot...

You know what?

I wish I knew you before...

Before all the pills, and the drinking...

I know you'd be mad at me for saying this

I know you would say it would have been the same...

But would it have?

Maybe then you would have said you loved me

Maybe then I would have said the same...

Maybe I would have stopped by that night.

We wouldn't have had that stupid fight...

Do you remember that night?

I do.

I wish I didn't.

But now, I realize that it was the last time I ever heard your voice...

And so, I don't think I'll ever be able to forget.

I won't be able to forget the screaming

the thunder

the shattering of the vase (the crystal one Inari gave you for your b'day)

the yelling

the tears that filled up in your eyes - the ones you rubbed away before they ever had a chance to fall...

I'll never forget the way you looked at me that night

The anger

the disbelief

and the pain...

Just leave me alone...

Want to know a secret?

It wasn't the screaming that made me leave...

It was that look.

Your words.

I couldn't bear the thought of hurting you...

and I realized I had.

Over and over,

So, I packed up my bags and left.

Didn't even kiss you goodbye.

Left you alone, with your "substances"

Left a shaky you trying to pour a drink into a glass.

Didn't even offer to help.

Didn't call.

Didn't bat an eyelid when that other guy moved in.

Didn't say a word to you when I ever ran into you anywhere.

Didn't say anything when I saw the first bruise.

Didn't listen to the rumors...

I didn't know.

I didn't know he hurt you.

I didn't want to know.

So... I didn't.

I don't know why I smiled at you last night Sayuri.

Maybe I thought it was finally time.

Maybe it was the fact that it was raining, and I always love you more when it rains.

But I didn't say a word...

Would things be different if I had spoken to you?

Would it have changed anything?

Would they still find your body in that bathtub?

I wonder what was the last thing you thought of...

Were you scared?

Did you close your eyes when you drew that line?

Did it hurt?

Leave me alone...

Those were your last words to me...

and I wish I had never listened...

Imagine this:

You are walking down a crowded market road with your little brother. Because he's only 13, your mother has asked you to keep an eye on him. So that he doesn't get lost, or kidnapped. That kind of thing. It is quite crowded today. So you grumble and sigh but agree and have been keeping an eye on him all morning. He's been behaving, which is a good thing, but he's a good kid anyhow and you smile when you think of the ice-cream you're planning to reward him with at the end of this trip. It'll make him happy and he'll probably flash that happy silly smile at you. The one you keep making fun of, but secretly adore.

You buy some flowers for the project you're supposed to work on tonight while your little brother ogles at a gaming console at the other side of the street. Its getting late, so you decide to head back. You don't wanna be late for lunch after all. The place just seems to have gotten even more crowded and you urge your brother to hurry. A black motorcycle makes its way into the narrow street and you frown in annoyance. people move out of the way and you too take a step back, holding on to your little brother's hand. The black motorcycle makes its way slowly and carefully through the crowded street. As it nears, one of the two riders - who are both in black - drops a black polythene bag with what looked like a lunch box inside. Pulling his hand away from yours, your goody-two-shoes brother hops forward and picks it up. You look at him and roll your eyes in exasperation, but you can't help but feel proud of him. He's your little brother and he's turned out alright. You smile and think to yourself that perhaps you should buy him two cones of ice-cream instead of just one. You notice a nearby old lady smiling at your kid brother as he picks up the packet and turns to the bikers, and your pride soars even higher.

"Brother, your packet has fallen..."

Those are the last words you hear him say before the blast.

Those are the last words you ever hear him say...

_________________________________________________________________________________________

A thirteen year old boy was killed today in a Delhi market as he attempted to return a fallen packet to its owners. Unfortunately for the young sincere child, they did not want their "packet" which turned out to be a low intensity bomb. The last words heard by eyewitnesses and his relations were ‘brother, your packet has fallen.’

http://www.indianexpress.com/news/delhi-blast-honesty-turns-fatal-for-boy/366708/

My deepest condolences go to the family and friends of the child...

You lie
I have no right to the truth
I lie
and you have no right to the truth
You yell
and I yell back
I yell
and you yell back
and then we laugh
You cry
and I tell you its going to be ok
I cry
and you tell me everything will be fine

You lie
and I stab you with words
I lie
and you don't know
You yell
and I yell back
I yell
and then shut down
You don't cry
...
I don't cry
...

Whenever I feel lost again...
Whenever I feel like I can't stand the pain...
I'll think of today...
and the tears in your eyes...
and I'll smile, and I'll stand straight...
even though it goddamn kills me...
Because...

I never wanted to cause you any pain...
yet I did...
And I want you to think we are all okay...
especially me...
If it helps you, I'll follow you everywhere...
without looking back at those bloody foot-prints...
because...

I care just that much...

She didn't know why she had to torture herself so.
'Torture' she mused, a faint smile tugging at her lips. How dramatic. But it would be the apt word. What else could you call it?
It was like watchin the cooking special on TV the night you were dying of hunger and it was too late to buy anything to eat... or like reading your ex-boyfriend's letters, or even worse, reading your own diary's account of the most painful day of your life.
Yep, she thought, combing her rain-drenched hair. Torture was the perfect word...

She wondered if he had noticed though.
She frowned slightly, hoping that was not the case. It would be terrible if he had...
After all the work she had put into this facade, it would kill her knowing one tiny gesture of comfort made it all crash to the ground...
But he had been so upset...
She shook her head, and glared at herself in the mirror.
It was all for good.
Hers and his.
She was just glad she pulled her hand away before it rested on his shoulder...
Jus glad that she pulled it away before he raised his bowed head...
Just relieved that when he looked up at her, the pain had not made the hate vanish, just dimmed it for a while...
So relieved...
and so...

Thunder sounded in the distance, shaking her out of her reverie...
She smiled at her dismal reflection and ran the brush through her hair again.
Torture....

He's right...
But... does that mean I am wrong?
I don't know...
I could change... but is it worth it?
Do I want to?
Yes...
But do I want this to be the reason?
No...

What do I do?

Take away my pride and my pain... and what's left behind?
Nothing...
I was wrong...
I didn't keep me with me...
I became whiskey, vodka, weed...
There's nothing left of me anymore...
The pieces are ground so finely, all they are anymore is stardust...
Fine, shining, and utterly useless... even for a reflection...
All they do is provide good entertainment...

And you can only watch fragmented shards for this long...