4 posts tagged “why?”
I don’t wanna see!
I don’t!
I never asked for this…
I still can’t tell the difference… between what’s real and what’s not…
And I don’t care anymore…
Because… it’s all equally real to me… and hence equally fake…
Why would anyone wish for this?
I don’t understand…
Just… either make it all go away… or make it all mean something… anything…
I’m tired of wondering when everything will make sense…
I just want to know why…
it’s always like this…
I want to know how I got here…
And I want to know if there’s actually a way out…
Be strong?
Gentle?
Proud?
Of what?
Explain to me…
I always thought that there would be something we would all look forward to… and some memory that we’d always keep with us forever…
And every time things got too hard to bear, I could just shut my eyes and think of that one day… and everything would be fine… but…
I can’t remember…
I
can’t remember any part of that…
Who I was… What it meant… Nothing…
It’s hurtful… to think that there was a time when everythin mattered so much… and when a single word could brighten up the day… and make even the darkest skies seem beautiful…
There must have been a day like that… right?...
Then… Why can’t I remember?
Why is it so far away?
I remember… when it rained… and I’d sit outside waiting… for something to make it all better… but nothing ever did…
No matter how long I waited…
I know there was a time when all that mattered was everyone close to me being happy…
When did I settle for safe?
When did I decide that was more important?
Why can’t I remember?
I want to…
But I’m so afraid… of remembering… because I’ve tried so hard to forget…
I must have my reasons right?
We all do…
Always…
But still, some days… when it rains… I find myself waiting…
And I still don’t know for what…
I shouldn't even be writin right now... especially not directly...
Am so high...
It's jus so sad, that all we seem to be livin on are pictures of each other... whether real or the ones in our head...
I jus miss reality you know?
I guess all of us try so hard to escape it, that when we finally do, we're jus too glad to really care bout what we've given up...
But I do...
I'd rather live in total fear of the real tmrw... than safe in a fake today...
I miss everythin that kept me going... before it turne out to be just these substitutions...
But that's all any of us do, no?
Replace reality with somethin fake... because artificialty is so much more perfect than reality...
There's nothin I've ever wanted more... but I guess you always feel like that bout even the substitutions...
I guess, in the end, all you can do is stop wondering what you've traded in for where you are... because this is where you are... and this is what you now are...
You can never go back... so there's no real use of regret...
Front porches... I just miss swinging... the moment of weightlessness, when nothin matters... not the ground nor the fact that you'll always only be there... stuck to the pkace you've carved out for yourself...
You can miss the ppl you got used to... but thats all you can do... you can't wish em back... not the moments... and not the people...
Who we were, will always mean so much... but it can never defeat what we are now... all we can do is get used to it... and stop complaining...
"Swing life away"
I suggest you hear this song... Thanks for the song link Mave-chan...
Thats pretty miuch all the junk I have to spew this time...
Cya later...
*smiles*
Every time this song plays now… all I can think of is him…
And the fact that he’s gone…
It’s pretty weird actually, considering I never even knew him… but I guess… it’s jus selfishness, coz I wish I did…
