10 posts tagged “zach”

That's all.

That's all it comes down to...

What can I say?
At the end of the day... no matter what I smoke and who I hang out with...

I am still a girl.

Gah!!!

But still... wouldn't have it any other way!

In my head, it is all the same.
I can;t type properly, because it is cold... and I won;t stop shivering,,,

I could close the windows... but then the net will not work... and I'm cold enough tonight...

Who am I?

Why does this bother me so much?

I'm not an alcoholic.

Really!!!

But I'm cold... alone... and just a person on my own...

How does it matter where I'm from?

I'm afraid... coz I dunno what to say...

You were suppose to save me!
Why now?

Why?

Why do I worry?
When it is you saving me?
Coz nothin lasts forever
and November rain keeps fallin

Even though it's July
And Christmas is long since over
I keep trying to learn
And its been longer than forever

Dunno what I'm saying
Everything is mixed up and wrong
Hope I know what I'm doing
Hope I;m playing the right song

Angst as usual
but tempered with life
I may be miserable
But there;s always someone with more strife

Makes you feel pretty miserable
Feeling miserable at all
when there are folks dying
with no one to call...

At least I have life
at least I have you
Even though you may not love
at least care, you do...

I look into your eyes
waiting for a sign...
for a trace, a shred of memory
of what you'd left behind

Instead I see just darkness
Staring out at us all
A smile that reveals just as much
as an empty dilapidated wall

Where did your laugh go?
That never failed to make me smile
Where did your strength go?
That kept us going all this while

I turn away, tired of waiting
and I want to walk away
I don't know how to tell you
you haunt me night and day

But a step is all I can take
Before you quietly say my name
and suddenly I'm back to the day we met
and everything is the same

I tried so hard to catch you
But all I could do was watch you fall
Now I turn around again
How can I walk away when my name you call?

3 days.
On loop.
From 1430 to 0300 in the morning!

If I don't stop soon, I'm gonna go crazy...

But I can NOT get enough of this song...

*sigh*

Wish you were here...

Dear Stan,

You are a fool to have left us so
Little Juna still goes to that field everyday
to wait for you
She doesn't believe us when we say you are not coming back
She believes in you
And you left
Your mother sits on the porch all day
watching the tree you used to climb
Your father has never put down that glass
It is always full
He doesn't drink too much though
But it is his only companion
Whiskey still sits with hopeful eyes at the door
He wags his tail every single time a car drives up
and his ears droop each time he realizes it's not you...

And I?
I'm okay.
Life goes on
or as you would say "The show must go on"...
Well... it has...
except, no one cares anymore
And no one's around to make us laugh at ourselves
And we think about you a lot...

Your friends came by yesterday
It was your birthday
Not that I expect you to remember or care!
You never did when you were here
Well, we all sat together
We talked about days long gone by...
We talked about you
and how it was good that you finally got away from this place that bothered you so
...
But you left us here darling...

Remember how we used to sit in one circle and sing till dawn?
We did that last night
We missed you so
I would like to say no one cried...
but we did...
I did...
I'm sorry darling
I jus...
I just wish you were here...
That's all...
Wish you were here...

..

She smiles at the setting sun
He gets on the train
She shivers and hides deeper in the huge blanket
He sits down next to a bunch of old men
She lights another cigarette
He goes out for a smoke
She takes another hit.
and she's out.

Goodbye...

Maybe...
Maybe, one day I'll realize the same thing he already has...
Maybe I already have, but just don't wanna face it...
The fact of the matter is, I'm fucked... and sometimes, I don't think there is any hope left...
I guess...
I guess I'll let this be my one last shot...
No.
I need to rephrase that.
This IS my last shot...
and I don't know if it will work.
Maybe it won't.
Maybe it will...
Either way, only time can tell.
Time, and the rest of us...

Another trimester.
Over. Done with. Survived. Lived through.
I wanted this trimester to end. I hated so much of it.
And now it's over.

How do I feel?
I feel... lost for words.
I feel...
Inadequate.
Incomplete.
Like I've failed.
Cowardly.
Sad.
Tired
young
old

This trimester did teach me a lot. And I did a lot of things I never thought I would

- Read the book about Nehru
- Drank about 19 mugs of beer at Pecos
- Was invited to an AA meeting
- Went 11 days without a drop
- Spent a lot of time with myself
- Mailed Seth
- Finished the rpg that's been going on for over a year.
- Spoke to Zach very often
- Moved on
- Almost fell off the roof

I need to sleep. I very desperately need to do so... The last few nights, I have been sleeping as the sun rises and still waking up for the class. In case of the latter, I have no option, due to my dismal attendance record, But I am well and truly tired of trying to fall asleep!!!

Sheep jump too fast, numbers go on too long, Stories become sagas. Gah!!!

Spoke to New Kid on the Block today. Had some Green Apple too. Can't believe I haven't smoked since iRock... I love combined effects. Now however I need to sleep, as I have already stated earlier. I don't quite know what I'm saying. Too sleepy...

Anyhow, todays been an overall "good" day.

Goodbyes to the newly-old
Greetings to the old
And listening to the young

Friends? Acquaintances? Juniors? Seniors? Batchmates? I'm sick of descriptions dude. I think I'm just going to go crash...

cya